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| Aspersioncast
2013-04-17 23:16:36 |
| I just read all your tweets looking for my subtweet but it tu... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-04-16 23:01:17 |
| Abusing the liver might not heal the heart but that won’t sto... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-04-16 22:59:32 |
| Abusing the liver might not heal the heart but it can tempora... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-04-15 21:05:55 |
| People say Survivorman is better than Bear Grylls but until I... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-04-13 12:07:21 |
| I keep to myself when I’m down but only because my misery can... |
| 48RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-04-10 19:35:36 |
| I know I’ve been abducted by aliens when I wake up on my lawn... |
| 48RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-31 21:13:32 |
| Sometimes I worry I’m sad in a way that can’t be fixed, but t... |
| 57RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-31 19:49:23 |
| I might not be the easiest person to get along with but fuck ... |
| 155RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-30 15:51:44 |
| I just want to meet a woman who pleases me financially. |
| 87Favs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-30 12:09:56 |
| Teenage girls in America sit on the curb crying about nothing... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-26 22:52:35 |
| Remember the movie you were really looking forward to that tu... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-23 20:47:26 |
| I always wash my bottom last so I don’t use the washcloth on ... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-23 12:50:27 |
| Sometimes I think life isn’t worth living but then I hear rum... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-22 08:10:29 |
| Vaginas are like a box of chocolates, kinda boring if you onl... |
| 44RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-21 18:29:54 |
| The trick here is to be nasty but nice. It’s a fine line but ... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-20 23:10:20 |
| I asked my doctor for something natural to help me sleep &... |
| 108Favs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-19 08:29:49 |
| Half the bad decisions I make are just because I’m hungry, bu... |
| 150RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-17 00:19:46 |
| I saved all this money on eyeliner just by having a penis. |
| 120RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-16 22:20:59 |
| As far as I could tell the old Pope was going fine until he o... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-15 22:23:29 |
| Children need a lot of love & understanding but men need ... |
| 108RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-14 10:01:05 |
| All it takes is one person to tell me I can’t do something th... |
| 86Favs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-10 19:06:29 |
| I hate drunk me, unless I’m drunk because then I think he’s f... |
| 109Favs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-10 12:31:38 |
| I ask which shirt I should wear & she says wear the one t... |
| 44RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-09 23:57:32 |
| Politicians should forget about haters & focus on their j... |
| 32RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-09 14:17:37 |
| If you don’t hashtag all your stuff how will people know to b... |
| 25RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-09 11:22:17 |
| Just once it’d be great if tech companies could design a wire... |
| 13RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-08 22:32:45 |
| I can’t understand why there aren’t more blues songs written ... |
| 66RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-08 21:43:32 |
| Either this balsamic vinegar tastes like red wine or my liquo... |
| 8RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-08 13:01:09 |
| If you’re worried about your partner dying in some freak acci... |
| 45RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-07 18:03:24 |
| Police always seem disappointed when they realise those bits ... |
| 38RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-07 08:51:32 |
| I’m burning all my bridges but leaving a tiny plank across ju... |
| 93RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-04 22:33:51 |
| She said she gets kind of aggressive in bed so I guess I won’... |
| 51RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-02 23:42:41 |
| I keep a knife under my pillow but only because you can never... |
| 33RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-03-02 10:04:21 |
| If I was a woman I’d wear a top with really thin material &am... |
| 31RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-28 13:55:11 |
| I’m pretty good at turning a minor inconvenience into a major... |
| 51RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-28 01:02:08 |
| My biggest fear is that I’ll reply to some idiot here who won... |
| 120RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-27 19:53:51 |
| I just can’t handle criticism, well not when it’s being screa... |
| 21RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-27 16:47:09 |
| Some men date lots of different women at once but I can’t do ... |
| 76RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-27 11:11:09 |
| I might make fun of marriage but I’d never make fun of someon... |
| 51RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-26 19:00:06 |
| There’s wearing tight clothing & there’s wearing a size t... |
| 69RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-25 12:45:21 |
| Relationships are easy if you don’t mind being wrong all the ... |
| 196RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-25 07:53:26 |
| Sometimes I think everything’s fucked up & ruined but it’... |
| 120RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-24 21:22:00 |
| I put people into 3 different categories, nice people, nasty ... |
| 26RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-24 09:59:01 |
| It’s always a good idea to open the door for a lady, especial... |
| 92Favs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-23 17:40:10 |
| You’re all dying anyway so why not just go buy some KFC.(Thos... |
| 49RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-23 17:04:24 |
| Just by opening my mouth I can turn a sure thing into nothing. |
| 71RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-22 23:25:57 |
| Your photo on Instagram reminded me of that Coldplay song, co... |
| 57Favs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-22 22:21:09 |
| I think my favourite thing about Twitter has to be muting dum... |
| 31RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-22 12:07:07 |
| Men often require a little quality alone time out of the hous... |
| 35RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-21 17:52:37 |
| We are never, ever, ever putting that together. ~is what I si... |
| 105RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-20 21:18:12 |
| You can always tell when a guy is Italian because his mother ... |
| 86RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-19 15:30:17 |
| I haven’t clipped my toenails since last year but only becaus... |
| 20RTs |
| 75Favs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-18 11:14:18 |
| Those hilarious tweets some of you copy from websites are ori... |
| 95Favs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-17 17:52:59 |
| I like walking around shops picking up expensive useless shit... |
| 209RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-17 11:57:02 |
| If you’ve got a crappy product to sell all you need is an ad ... |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-16 23:36:12 |
| I’ve noticed that people are getting their sayings wrong &... |
| 23RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-16 13:27:39 |
| Guys carry on about their wireless electronic devices but vib... |
| 67RTs |
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| Aspersioncast
2013-02-12 15:58:55 |
| I can tell that I’m out of my league in the pool hall when I’... |
| 27RTs |
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